Release Date: December 20, 2005
Director: David Steiman
Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp, Saul Rubinek, Dave Thomas
Favorite Quote: “Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!” – Santa
Ho, ho, ho, hoes! It’s time for another Don’t Watch This review. This time, we are going to do a Christmas-themed one. Careful with some slight spoilers.
It’s that time of the year where we all have to be good, because Santa is coming to town and this time he is coming to kill us all…wait, what?!
So Santa is the son of the devil and December 25th was known as the day of Slaying, but one day God sends one of his angels to defeat Santa. Once Santa lost via a bet, he would spend the next 1000 years bringing joy to all the people in the world. It’s now 1000 years later, and, well, no more joyful fat man. Now we have the most buff Santa outside of Marvel Comics, as former pro wrestler Bill Goldberg plays the jolly old – evil – twisted elf.
This isn’t the first time I have seen this movie. I did see it back in 2008 – or was it 2007? I forget. But I did enjoy this cheesy movie. Re-watching it now, I still say DAMN it is a cheesy movie, but I forgot how bad this movie is.
The location of the town Santa victimizes is called Hell Township, so basically Santa goes to Hell to kill everyone. When was the last time you ever seen Santa go to a strip bar and just start fighting and killing anyone? One of the weapons used is a stripper pole; just use your imagination.
The deaths are all holiday-themed – mostly Christmas – and we do get Christmas puns from Santa. The movie follows Nicolas Yuleson, who is played by Douglas Smith, and his girlfriend Mary ‘Mac’ Mackenzie, played by Emilie de Ravin. I feel bad for these two actors because MAN their acting was horrible here; it seemed like they didn’t really put much effort into their role, just like how Megan Fox does in all her movie roles.
This is supposed to be a comedy/horror movie but I think they forgot to bring the comedy and horror. Is it a great movie? No! It’s a horrible, cheesy, movie. But I still enjoyed it because of how cheesy it is and how it does try to take itself seriously. The movie has its lore, which is good on paper, but when transferred over to the small screen just didn’t work. Was it the actors? I really can’t say because I am used to seeing Emilie on Roswell and in the introduction of the movies they did have well-known actors. That is the only time you would see said well-known actors. The script, in my opinion, is what killed the movie. You really can’t mix comedy and horror for a Christmas-themed movie and think it will work, especially when your main bad guy is Santa Claus.
If you want to watch a bad, cheesy Christmas “horror/comedy” movie I say go for it, but don’t blame me if you do not like this movie.
