Have You Seen….Willow?

willow

Release Date: May 20, 1988

Director: Ron Howard

Starring: Warwick Davis, Jean Marsh, Val Kilmer, Joanne Whalley, Billy Barty, Pat Roach, Patricia Hayes

Favorite quote: “’I love you Sorsha? I don’t love her, she kicked me in the face! I hate her… Don’t I?”– Madmartigan

The 1980s were a strange time for fantasy movies. It wasn’t for a lack of movies; there were tons of movies in the fantasy genre back then. The majority of them were just borderline shitbags with cult followings.

Ladyhawke; Dragonslayer; Krull; Legend; Highlander; The Dark Crystal; Beatsmaster; Clash of the Titans.

All of them were flawed in one way or another, but all of them have rabidly devoted fan bases. The only unequivocal, unassailable classics in the genre back in the 80s were The Princess Bride and The Neverending Story. All the others were entertaining but lacking.

Willow falls squarely into that latter category. Released in 1988 to near-universal panning, the movie was yet another example of George Lucas trying to parlay the success of Star Wars into another genre without being in the director’s chair. He failed in 1986 with the abysmal Howard the Duck; he missed in 1988 with Willow, and he would fail later that year with the weak biopic, Tucker: A Man and his Dream.

Willow was, without a doubt, a flawed shitshow of a movie. But I love it. It is my third favorite movie of that era. It could never eclipse the unassailable duo, but it easily surpasses even Beastmaster and Highlander in my book, and I love those movies as well.

The secret sauce to this movie lies not in Lucas’s writing, which was derivative and weak, nor with director Ron Howard, who did the best he could with the material he was given. The story was just so ridiculous, and the actors so over-the-top, that there was no way it could be anything more than awesome!

The story itself borrowed heavily from The Hobbit, The Wizard of Oz, The Ten Commandments, and, yes, Star Wars. A prophecy tells of a female child with a special birthmark that would one day overthrow the evil sorceress of this tale, Queen Bavmorda (Jean Marsh). Bavmorda imprisons every pregnant woman around to prevent the prophecy to come true. Of course, one pregnant woman convinces her midwife to take her child – the prophesized one – to safety. The infant is placed on a raft, a la Ten Commandments, when her situation becomes dire.

The child is found by the children of Willow Ufgood (Warwick Davis), who bring her into their village, Nelwyn. The Nelwyns are “little people”- like Hobbits – that are derisively called “Pecks” by the Daikini (human) populace. Willow is a humble farmer but dreams of becoming a powerful sorcerer. When it’s known that he is caring for the child, he is sent by the High Aldwyn (Billy Barty) to find a suitable caretaker for her. He leads a party of adventurers – might as well be called the Fellowship – to accomplish the task. Along the way, they meet the Daikini Han Solo…err, Madmartigan (Val Kilmer), are confronted by Darth Vad…err, General Kael (Pat Roach), and – ah, fuck! Every trope spewed in fantasy storytelling up to that point makes an appearance here. I’m just surprised that Bavmorda’s own daughter and Madmartigan’s romantic foil, Sorsha (Joanne Whalley), wasn’t half-duck!

Shit, this story is all over the place! But somehow, some way, it comes together in a way that is entertaining in ways it shouldn’t. Kilmer’s Madmartigan is so over-the-top that it hurts – but it hurts so good! His love/hate relationship with Sorsha (yes, like Han/Leia) is dysfunctional but engrossing. With all the crazy flying around in Willow, the eponymous character’s quest to become a real sorcerer (Jedi) is still well-grounded. It’s easy to root for this ragtag group of misfits because it’s so fun seeing them shriek about like a litter of catnip-crazed cats (literally in one case). But Willow Ufgood is still a noble hero,

For those who think I’m, crazy, ask yourself this question: you can accept a buff blonde who talks to a black tiger. You can accept a Greek hero talking to a mechanical owl. You can even accept an immortal Scotsman played by a Swiss-educated man, trained in combat by a true Scotsman named Ramirez who’s Egyptian. But THIS movie is wrong?

In my eyes, movies like Willow epitomize the nut farm that was the fantasy movie in the 1980s. The critics may not have much good to say about the movies, but we fans love them unconditionally. The numbers back it up: Rotten Tomatoes shows Willow has a critic rating of 48%, but an audience rating of 80%. This movie has its own cult following, just like Beastmaster, Clash of the Titans, and Highlander. Count me among that cult.

He has been playing video games for longer than he would like to admit, and is passionate about all retro games and systems. He also goes to bars with an NES controller hoping that entering the Konami code will give him thirty chances with the drunk chick at the bar. His interests include vodka, old-school games, women, vodka, and women gamers who drink vodka.

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