“Hi. Is this the flight to Newark?”

Here we go…

Before we go on, just know that I am THAT guy. I’m the Marvel-head who obsesses about all Marvel-related minutiae. If the slightest thing doesn’t line up with the official continuity, I get butt-hurt. Naturally, the MCU drives me bonkers, even though I’ve generally enjoyed the movies thus far. I really don’t do it with malice; it’s a reflexive thing. Please don’t get upset with me.

So let me just get this out of the way right now:

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT HUGE WHITE SPIDER SYMBOL ON SPIDEY’S COSTUME???

Okay, I got it out of my system. Let’s talk about the game.

The gameplay trailer for Insomniac’s Marvel’s Spider-Man is equal parts sublime awesomeness and infuriating tedium for me. The former half see the Batman: Arkham-inspired stealth, stalking, and combat and smiles uncontrollably. The thought of maneuvering Spidey to an advantageous position and dispatching cronies with typical aplomb tickles me in all the right spots. The promise of an open-world sandbox that allows me to explore as the wall-crawler really pleases me.

But if I dislike the thought of QTE’s in a David Cage game, you can imagine the latter half of the argument feels about them in a Spider-Man game. They make me LIVID!

To be fair, the QTE’s I saw in the gameplay trailer was part of a scripted sequence. They aren’t indicative of how the game will play throughout its entire length. And yes, the QTE’s in that sequence make total sense. It gives players a chance to immerse themselves in how Spidey would handle a situation like that.

But, again, fuck QTE’s.

Still, they don’t diminish my excitement for the ability to play as the webhead. For the first time since I played Spider-Man on the Dreamcast, a game promises to let me truly play as him. QTE’s aside, I froth at the mouth when I think about grabbing a controller and laying waste to a room full of lackeys. And seeing him dealing with the Mister Negative minions pleases me even further.

Then THAT guy rears his ugly head and tries to piss on the parade.

Seriously, why does Spidey have someone named Capt. Yuri Watanabe talking to him Oracle-style right before he starts webbing up the bad guys? Why does he have to rely on THE KINGPIN to find out who the bad guys are? Isn’t that scripted sequence with the helicopter and the generator ripping up the city a bit long? Why is Capt. Watanabe so annoying? Am I overthinking this?

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT GODDAMN WHITE SPIDER SYMBOL ON HIS COSTUME????????

Obviously, that side of me needs medication. The more rational side of me cannot wait for Marvel’s Spider-Man to arrive.  The release window is sometime in 2018. Hopefully, I can keep THAT guy in check until it arrives.