Less than forty-eight hours ago, I wrote up an article stating that Konami had announced a brand new Metal Gear game sans Kojima-san. It’s called Metal Gear Survive and, based on the trailer, it’s a radical departure from the main canon. I noted as such on the article but did not pursue the thought further. It was past midnight, I was sleep-deprived, and I just wanted to get the article written up and scheduled.
It is forty-eight hours later, and I’ve had time to look at the trailer in detail, as well as get more info about the game. To say that what I’ve seen bums me out is a gross understatement. Metal Gear Survive makes me sad. I’ve never had a game hurt me so much that I wanted to cry. This game may change that.
Metal Gear Survive is a game set after the events of Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes and features four-player co-op stealth play. Not so bad at first. The thought of four-player stealth gameplay seems like a bit of fun, assuming the players do stealth better than the average water buffalo.
Things go absolutely downhill from there. The official Gamescom reveal trailer shows the Mother Base from the Peace Walker storyline being destroyed. Big Boss and Miller make it out by helicopter, free to continue their story in Phantom Pain. But some staff members do not escape. Before they are able to ponder what to do next, a wormhole opens up in the sky…
I’m gonna stop right there for a second. I know that the Metal Gear series has had some stupid shit. I have played almost every game since both NES games, which were not official canon but had the Metal Gear name. (Well, the first one did; the second is called Snake’s Revenge.) I have seen a crazy telepath that likes wearing gimp suits and gas masks. I have seen TWO people – The End and Quiet – that breathe through their skin. Hell, I even saw The Pain, a guy who shoots HORNETS at you. Needless to say, I have seen some shit in Metal Gear games.
I’m drawing the line at wormholes, though. I’m okay with bipedal tanks that shoot nukes and using ketchup to escape a prison cell, but I can’t accept wormholes in a Metal Gear game.
What happens next in the trailer is worse.
We see one of the staff members standing in some barren world in an alternate dimension. Suddenly, he’s approached by…
A FUCKING ZOMBIE???
That’s when the urge to hurt a small animal begins to rock me. I’m not going to accept a premise where the Metal Gear universe is suddenly transported to Zombieland. I’m past my limit on zombies already, and this game just made them more insufferable!
The rest of the trailer plays out the whole co-op zombie survival shit to complete the insult. We went from Peace Walker to Left 4 Dead: The Stupid Edition in about three seconds flat.
Now, I’m sure there are people who will look at the trailer and find no fault with it. Some might even say I’m taking this too personally. They may say, “Give it a try. You won’t know if it’s any good unless you give it a try.” To them, I say this: yes, I am talking it too personally. I don’t want to; I have to. Konami is purposely taking a venerated series and shitting all over it. It shouldn’t matter, but it matters to me. I almost would prefer the Metal Gear pachinko machine to this!
And I can’t give Metal Gear Survival a try. If it were any other zombie survival shitfest, I’d avoid it simply because I’m at capacity with zombies. The fact that it has the Metal Gear name on it makes it less of a game and more of an insult.
Forty-eight hours after the announcement, I hate Konami even more. Metal Gear Survive makes me wanna lose it! #FucKonami!
