Release Date: July 15, 1993
Director: Wong Jing
Starring: Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Aaron Kwok, Chingmy Yau, Dicky Cheung, Simon Yam, Ekin Cheng, William Duen, Billy Chow, Kingdom Yuen, Richard Ng
Favorite quote: None
I would normally choose to avoid foreign movies for this series. I don’t hate foreign films; I simply hate subtitles and don’t want to slog through them when I rewatch them for this series. But I simply had to write up Future Cops. It was released in 1993 in Hong Kong under the title Chao ji xue xiao ba wang. This movie is a typical Chinese knockoff movie, but the premise literally made me cry in laughter.
The story is not so exciting on first glance. The year is 2043, and an evil crime lord is trying to take over the world. He’s stopped, however, and sentenced to prison. His minions suddenly have a crazy idea: travel back to 1993 and kill the judge then so their boss never gets sentenced. Their plot is discovered by the Future Cops, who follow the thugs to the past to stop them.
Seems like standard schlock, right? Well, this movie has a gimmick that turns a silly future-past movie into an unbelievable experience. The IMDB blurb says it all:
“Ryu, Dhalsim and Vega are sent out to stop M. Bison. They befriend a teenage school student and seek out Bison. Bison sends out his own soliders (sic), Ken and Sagat.”
Those were not misprints. THIS GAME STARS STREET FIGHTER CHARACTERS!!!
I first discovered this movie about eight months ago. Once I learned of its existence, I HAD to track it down. Once I did, I had a screening of it at my house with Punisher and Cousin Jose present. We usually set up guys’ nights where we grab copious amounts of food and booze, watch shitty chop-chop movies, and (hopefully) laugh uproariously.
The amount of “WTF!” exclamations that spewed from our mouths while watching Future Cops is incalculable. I believe the only movie that garnered more was Funky Forest: First Contact, a Japanese movie that is…disturbing.
Future Cops, however, is side-splittingly silly. Ryu (Aaron Kwok), Dhalsim (Simon Yam), Guile (Jacky Cheung), and Vega (Ken Lo) are the Future Cops. The IMDB blurb above did get one thing wrong: the future cops are out to stop Vega (Andy Lau) the original Japanese name for the character we know as M. Bison in the States. They go back to 1993 to stop Ken (Ekin Cheng), E. Honda (William Duen), and M. Bison, the Japanese name for the character knows as Vega in the States (Ken Lo), from killing the Judge.
Upon arriving in 1993, the Future Cops end up in the back yard of Chan Tai Hung (Dicky Cheung), whom they befriend. They convince him to convince his parents, Chun-doi (Kingdom Yuen) and Richard Yu (Richard Ng). This rankles his sister, Chun May (Chingmy Yau). The Future Cops end up taking jobs at Chan’s school in order to fit in while they wait out Vega’s thugs.
I honestly can’t say too much more about this movie without spoiling some of its goofier aspects. During the movie, the Future Cops and the thugs try to romance some female students (pedo much?), get into fights, and bring out super powers in some people. One particular person ends up referencing a character from an anime series that has nothing to do with Street Fighter. When you see it, the WTFs will fly!
Honestly, this isn’t a great movie. It’s the sheer battiness of seeing Street Fighter characters in slapstick situations that provides all sorts of mindless enjoyment. The characters do not use their Street Fighter names. Instead, they use alternate names, and some of them silly. Guild is Broomhead (yup, that’s him on the right in the picture above), Honda is Toyota, and Ken is Kent. Their abilities are also silly to watch, particularly Dhalsim’s. This is pure Chinese cheese, and it is delicious!
If you ever come across this movie (hint: YouTube), gather some friends around and watch this. It’s ridiculous, cheap, dumb…and one the craziest-funniest things you will see in ages.
