Release Date: June 18, 1993
Director: John McTiernan
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, F. Murray Abraham, , Charles Dance, Art Carney, Pobert Prosky, Frank McRae, Austin O’Brien, Mercedes Ruehl, Ian McKellen, Tom Noonan, Anthony Quinn
Favorite quote: “To be…or not to be. Not to be!”– Jack Slater
I have a confession to make. It may not be entirely true, but I feel it is, so I want to spill my guts. I’ve been cheating with this series. I hope you can forgive me.
For those of you that feel I’ve been doing fine with the “Have You Seen…” series…well, first, I told you not to defend me, mom! For the remaining 1 or 2 of you, allow me to explain.
When I thought about doing this series, I wanted to highlight movies that were either forgotten, shat upon, or practically unknown. Movies like Serenity, Kentucky Fried Movie, and Westworld fit that mold. Movies like Enemy Mine, Idiocracy, and ESPECIALLY Death Becomes Her do not. If I am 100% honest, I had scheduled Clue, one of the greatest ensemble comedies ever made, for this piece. Although it is a GREAT movie, and one I may visit at another time, this series is not meant to throw softballs at people who love the movies I highlight.
This series is supposed to tackle the unknown, cult-classic, or indefensible movies. I plan to do so now.
From the title above, I’m sure many of you feel – or have heard – that this movie falls under the “indefensible” category. Last Action Hero is seen by many as a misstep for 80s action movie icon – and part-time anabolic steroid – Arnold Schwarzenegger. It’s an action-comedy, something the Austrian muscle mountain was not sought out for. The movie and its jokes seem to have gone over many people’s heads. Its score on Rotten Tomatoes is 37%, ranked below such quality entertainment as Daredevil, 27 Dresses, and Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (aka “The Star Wars Movie That Took Jar Jar Binks Seriously!”) The hatred for Last Action Hero is real.
I do not get why. I absolutely love the movie.
Originally, I just accepted that Last Action Hero was a bad movie because everyone else hated it. It was possible, I thought that this movie is just a guilty pleasure of mine, just like 80s cable fodder like Turk-182 and Enemy Mine. Except Enemy Mine was a great movie.
(I’m not defending Turk-182; that was a shit movie that benefited from my watching Cinemax late at night when I was a teenager, hoping Shannon Tweed would show her tits again. Turk-182 is a guilty pleasure for me.)
Well, guess what? Last Action Hero is not a guilty pleasure. I believe it’s a great movie, 37% Tomatometer be damned!
The focus of this movie is not AHNOLD, but Danny Madigan (Austin O’Brien), a kid living a down-on-his-luck life in the real world of 80s New York City. His mother, Irene (Mercedes Ruehl), has to work at night to make ends meet, and that frequently means leaving Danny alone at home. Real life is cruel, a lesson Danny lives daily. His only escape is at the local movie theater, where he can revel in the awesomeness that is his favorite action hero, LAPD cop Jack Slater (Schwarzenegger). He is seriously gassed about catching Slater’s newest over-the-top action flick, and Nick the projectionist (Robert Prosky) offers to give Danny a sneak preview before the movie’s general release.
Danny meets up with Nick, who’s dressed a bit creepily as a movie usher. He offers Danny a magic ticket, which he rips like a good usher. Danny plays along, grabbing the ripped half-ticket and taking a seat in the theater. As he enthusiastically watches the movie, however, he fails to notice that the ticket is glowing. He’s taken out of the movie a minute later, when a grenade a lackey throws in the movie ends up in the theater next to him. Freaked out, he runs toward the screen…and ends up IN the movie, in the back seat of Jack Slater’s car.
It’s here where the movie takes a hard left turn into self-parody. Jack Slater’s world is the action hero world, where the good guys always survive and the bad guys always get theirs. In this world, every injury the hero gets is “just a flesh wound” and everything for him is perfect. Danny, realizing this world is fictional, spends his time in this world trying to explain that everything happening in this world in impossible. Slater, of course, keeps dismissing him in ingenious ways. At least, he does until he realizes Danny knows what he’s talking about.
Although I blindly love Last Action Hero, I think I see what rankles people about this movie. Danny Madigan, truthful as he is, comes off as a pre-pubescent Adam Conover from Adam Ruins Everything. Yea, he’s right, and everyone comes to see that he’s right…but he gets annoying as shit! Danny insists on making Slater see how nonsensical everything is in the movie world. Thing is, the people in the movie world see everything as normal. Danny’s incessant complaining about how things are does get a bit annoying, but his reveal of obvious movie tropes lead to some hilarious jokes that explain everything away!
Danny tries to point out that everyone is beautiful in the LAPD, saying there are no ordinary, everyday women around because it’s “a movie.” Slater responds that it’s not because it’s a movie, “it’s California!” When Danny points out that everyone’s number starts with 555 – an obvious movie trope – and a city like LA has to have more than just numbers starting with 555, Slater tells him, “that’s we have area codes.” But the absolute BEST self-parody joke is the preceding bit, when Danny takes Slater to a Blockbuster Video (remember those, kiddies?) to prove he is an action star. They go to the action section and find a stand-up promo for Terminator 2 – starring Sylvester Stallone! Lots of these jokes take up most of the second act of the movie, and I love them all – almost.
The movie is a wonderful test case of what happens when a movie becomes so self-parodying that the parody itself becomes the plot. It’s something that was done in Scream and done even more in Scream’s parody, Scary Movie. It can be done too much, though, and maybe that’s why Last Action Hero lost so many people. I mean, the parody is done a bit too much, to the point where even I was groaning when Slater’s daughter Whitney (Bridgette Wilson-Sampras) was introduced and showed she just happened to be a kick-ass fighter as well. The movie, however, brings it back with a dark twist in the third act that I really enjoy.
In Slater’s movie world, a hired thug named Benedict (Charles Dance) is leery of Slater’s kid partner knowing so much of his plans against his boss, Tony Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn). Soon, he finds out that the half-ticket Danny has is magical, allowing him to travel to Danny’s world. It’s then that the movie gets a bit darker. In this world, heroes can die. Even worse, Benedict realizes he can pull in villains from other movies, including Slater’s arch-nemesis, Ripper (Tom Noonan) and Death himself (Ian McKellen). With Slater unable to withstand damage and people out to get him for real, what will he do?
The movie is meant as a comedy, and Schwarzenegger is not known for his comedic roles. That may be why some were turned off by this movie. But that’s a disservice to Schwarzenegger, who was comedic gold in Kindergarten Cop and entertaining (not brilliant) in Jingle All The Way. Hey, at least he wasn’t Stallone trying to be funny in Oscar or Rhinestone. Oh, GAWD, Rhinestone!
(Actually, I kinda like Oscar a little bit. Maybe not enough to defend it in this space, but it wasn’t horrible. Just notably bad)
Regardless, Schwarzenegger was not a problem in this movie. His “action hero” parody was done quite well; I still laugh when he mispronounces his name sarcastically while chiding Danny. “I’m the world famous actor, Arnold Brawnschweiger!” Kills me every time.
Absent his sucking, I can only deduce that the film turned off people who wanted to see him as an action star, not as comedic fodder. Danny must’ve also grated enough nerves to cause moviegoers to wish hate upon him. I’m just guessing here, because I have no idea why this move is so disliked.
The third act also had a silly bit thrown in to reinforce the real-world concept. Dannay and Slater end up in a theater that is hosting the gala premiere of Jack Slater’s new movie. They show off a bunch of celebrities of the time; Jim Belushi and M.C. Hammer are present. And who is the main guest? Why, it’s AHNOLD himself, with then-wife Maria Shriver as herself beside him, to plug his role as Slater. The Ripper character is even mistaken for Noonan in costume. It was a fun touch to the movie.
Is the movie an undeniable classic? I’m not gonna go that far. But is it as bad a movie as many say? Not at all! The movie is a fun action-comedy, nothing more or less. I still pop this one in occasionally just to lose myself in its supposed inanity. For sure, this is not just a guilty pleasure.
For those who have not seen Last Action Hero, give it a look. For those who saw it once and were turned off, give it another chance. I think it’s a great bit of fun, and maybe seeing it from a different perspective – as a fun movie and not a bro-fest – might have you agreeing with me.
