Vin Diesel hacks up black magic in this muddy CG romp.
The Last Witch Hunter feels like it’s based on one of those little-known graphic novels you find lurking in the back corner of a comic book store — the kind you thumb through but put back once you realize you’ve read a dozen other books just like it. Perhaps regrettably, the Vin Diesel-starring action-fantasy film is an original idea conceived by Diesel, as well as screenwriter Cory Goodman. But the finished product, directed by Breck Eisner (The Crazies, Sahara), lacks the energy and character to pull off its lofty franchise ambitions.
In the film, armies of medieval witch hunters have battled vicious supernatural creatures for centuries. This includes Kaulder (Diesel), a brave warrior who is “cursed” (if you want to call it that) with immortality mere moments before he slays the all-powerful Witch Queen. Now, 800 years later, Kaulder is the last living witch hunter and spends his time tracking down rogue witches, all while missing his long-lost family. However, when the Witch Queen’s modern-day supporters decide to unleash another Black Plague on humanity, Kaulder is forced to team up with a supposed “good witch” named Chloe (Game of Thrones’ Rose Leslie) in order to stop them.
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This all starts when one of Kaulder’s allies (Michael Caine) is attacked by an evil witch, sending both Kaulder and Chloe on a tedious investigation to find out who’s behind the act. This comprises numerous scenes of the two main characters searching for clues, intimidating perps and spouting off cheesy one-liners. As a result, most of the movie feels like a standard crime procedural plot that just happens to include magic. Think “CSI meets boilerplate fantasy.”
The characters are also pretty one-dimensional, including and especially Kaulder. It’s a shame Diesel isn’t given more to work with here, since he has such a great screen presence. Nevertheless, he gives The Last Witch Hunter some much-needed vitality, just by playing a slightly heightened version of himself — which is what I like to call the “Jason Statham Effect.”
Unfortunately, Leslie isn’t able to breath the same life into her stock female protagonist, who herself is even less interesting than Kaulder. Heck, not even the likes of Sir Michael Caine and Elijah Wood can save their underdeveloped priest characters, both of whom are relegated to exposition duty.
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Granted, The Last Witch Hunter does pepper in some fun action scenes, most of which include Diesel swinging around a flaming longsword. Indeed, these moments are right in the actor’s wheelhouse, and he brings a good physicality to the set pieces — even if they are laden with gratuitous CGI. Whether it’s the oh-so fake-looking monsters or Kaulder’s Wolverine-like regeneration (yep, he’s invincible as well as immortal), the visuals in this are decent at best and cringe-worthy at worst. For example, a digital reconstruction of actress Dawn Olivieri’s haggard face had my audience snickering through an entire shot.
Ultimately, though, the action is outweighed by the eye-rolling dialogue and lifeless storytelling. While loyal fans of Vin Diesel may find bits and pieces to enjoy in The Last Witch Hunter, it’s not enough to justify the price of admission. If anything, it’s a rental, or you could just read a graphic novel instead, which is probably what The Last Witch Hunter should have been in the first place.
Despite Vin Diesel’s action-star persona, The Last Witch Hunter delivers a lackluster fantasy plot and bland, one-note characters — including Diesel’s. While some of the action scenes are fun to watch, they’re also fleeting and bogged down with subpar CGI. In the end, The Last Witch Hunter is about what you’d expect from watching the trailer: it’s amusing on occasion, but mostly forgettable. At the very least, it gave us a cool cover of “Paint It, Black.”
